20141026

cut yr hair / feel very free


don't say this house is not haunted


video


as promised: total randomness
i want to experiment with videos some more so until i've found a form for me you might get to see me doing pretty senseless stuff like rolling a cigarette and drinking some coffee listening to haunted houses

sorry if that bores you/ makes you want to gouge yr eyes out
maybe you get the feeling of us smoking/drinking together?
that would be cool

20141025

q&a i guess?

honeys as i realize this place gets a little deserted every now and then i decided to give more credit to the people who come here and continue to share their feelings and thoughts with me - i really appreciate that & i don't think i express it enough
also i think it's just lovely to connect with like-minded souls from all over so i will try to answer your comments/ questions in a more elaborate way from time to time

zoe asked me about my current life situation so this is how the story goes

about 2 months ago i left the town where i was studying to start working full-time at a theatre.
as i'm typing this i am sitting on the couch having a cup of coffee in the attic apartment that i now inhabit with the cat, who is currently snoozing away on my bed. the tilted walls make it feel like a secret room or a treehouse and the best part is when it rains
change is important but it can get overwhelming too (insert that picture of stepping outside yr comfort zone) so the past weeks have been pretty intense although i trust my guts about being on the right path
i'm batteling the occasional anxiety with good reads -everyone needs to read sylvia plath's diaries imo and starting a diary again myself which is something that i haven't done since i was a teen- i have always been keeping notebooks nearby to write down passing thoughts & impressions i get but i feel like keeping a diary and taking more time to give a space to my thoughts in a stream of consciousness-style is a great way to be honest with myself and respecting my gaze on the world. simply writing away about emotional states that are sometimes hard to grasp has already made me understand myself much better. i have no desire to be a grown up in the social idea that i never quite get. i do strive for being the most honest version of myself which means being very present and vulnerable.
listening to myself is essential because although i get awfully quiet sometimes, i do have things to say and before anyone else, i should hear them.

do you like these kinds of posts?
i also have some ideas for other formats, those might be pretty random though, i'll show you when the time is ready
i also cut off most of my hair and don't know why i didn't do this before, i feel so liberated!

i'll weekend some more right now, have a lovely one yourself kittens

20141010

self


the sun blooms, it's a geranium
the heart has not stopped






in the mornings everything is the colour of dusty pink and slightly frosted (already? i ask)
it feels like i am just learning to live. again. maybe it's this being born again and again that hurts

knowing that the blooming petal will wither and i am doing the same every breathing moment
grow bloom wither die
these circles are not exclusive to the bodily world, i have felt myself dying and being reborn so many times now and it has been very real