20140424

LUX

for some days now i've been walking in the light
i don't know how i got here & if i can stay so i am practicing the process of photosynthesis to not let any of those precious beams go to waste

it can get so dark where i am
once i showed a friend a map of the place that is my head
she wouldn't leave me alone for days after that

but here i am & for once i'm free to look at the shadows from a distance
& i realize how specific they are, their geometry identical like they came from the same source
i've seen my dark and now i'm clairvoyant to it in others
it's the same ghost
that can take on different forms

like the white wolves that come to see me in the morning hours
they're quite beautiful

& the little creatures with their sharp teeth, strange riddles and hoarse voices, i know them too
i never know whether to believe their words about butterfly skeletons or the stream that flows both directions
their songs are alien, soothing  with a yearning inside them for something only they know
but i know they're dangerous i know i am not to listen for too long
because one time i did & they wouldn't go away for days 
they know a way inside of me & can make a home in my chest if i'm not careful
& then they start gnawing at me from the inside & i lie awake to the sound of their rasply giggles in the night

here in the light i can see
the place of darkness isn't neccessarily ugly
i've seen the most beautiful creatures out here
but oh they loathe themselves for their dark parts

& i've seen the moon shining brightest when the night fell with such rigor i guess that's why i have such trust in her

it's what i'll rely on

for now my skin is licked by daylight like kitten tongues all over me

LUX is latin for light
makes my ♥  flutter

20140418

this is me talking to myself















i think i take selfies mostly to see if i'm still here 


it's funny how sometimes in life you know exactly what's best for you / what you have to do but somehow you can't put it into practice 
this has caused my so much anxiety but now i think it's all okay
time is sorting things out for you
there is a difference between knowing sth & feeling it
like when you read a book and it doesn't speak to you and then you pick it up again years later and suddenly it's exactly what you need and every sentence becomes a mantra
maybe you weren't ready the first time around or maybe you just needed something else

theory is the first step and it takes some time for the knowing to sink in 
but it will happen eventually and then it will be as if it has always been a part of you and you will naturally act according to it

everything you have been/ are/ will be is always there 
give yourself the time to grow and bloom and whither

first it's a knowing, then it becomes a feeling & then it becomes you

essentials


20140415


hylas and the nymphs / john waterhouse

i guess some stories aren't meant to end well.

20140409

20140407

nothing scares me more than the thought of reincarnation
do you know what i mean